Murdofleur’s top 5 tremendously evocative but basically nonsensical Engrish titles of Japanese Sega games 1997-1998

1. Silhouette Mirage (Treasure, 1997)

2. Panzer Dragoon Saga (Team Andromeda, 1998)

3. Elevator Action Returns (Taito, 1997)

4. Radiant Silvergun (Treasure, 1998)

5. Devil’s Castle Dracula X – Nocturne in the Moonlight (Konami, 1998)

I ♥ Japanning, says Alex Leicester

Murdofleur: Japanning? What’s that then, navigating your way across Japan with only a compass and a bag of liquorice allsorts?

Alex: Oh no. Japanning is a word that originated in the 17th century, used to describe the European imitation of Asian lacquerwork originally used on furniture.

Do tell me more.

Think of ladies in bombazine dresses being brought tea on spindly trays with rectangular corners and bevelled edges, and black lacquerwork inlaid with mother of pearl pagodas: to me, japanning is the height of gentility.

Well, that says more than a little about you.

A tray is of course an interesting concept in itself: a moveable table. If madam will not go to the table, then the table will be brought to madam.

So Japanning is another example of the ‘exotic’ as condiment to the domestic sphere?

Yes, although furniture had been brought back to Europe by Dutch traders since the 16th century, japanning was a home-grown craft. In fact the fashion was fuelled from – of all places – Pontypool, a small town in South Wales. Pontypool was founded on the iron industry and it was the first place to introduce a rolling mill to create plate that was very smooth and thin. Experiments with coating the iron sheet in tin and varnish resulted in a rust-resistant and hard-wearing surface. I’m a fan.

The Eavesdropper: Wii are your friends

Guidance: contains language which may offend.

Alfred: Bob, could you check my application? Don’t worry, it’s short.
Bob: Sure, what’s it for?
A: Travel grant. Japan.
B: Holiday?
A: Basically, but it’s also the final part of my D of E Gold Award.
B: Why Japan? I mean, you don’t want to stay there too long, you’ll go all ‘slitty-eyed.’
A: Ha, yes, except, isn’t that China?
B: Is it? Aren’t they both…?
A: No, that is, I’m pretty sure only one is. There was a mnemonic my mother taught me to tell them apart, but I always forgot it.
B: Anyway, yeah cool. When are you going?
A: June/July. It’s not finalised.
B: Are you taking your GF?
A: Um, no, basically, I think it could be a bit awkward.
B: Yeah, that’s why I asked. Because aren’t they meant to be pretty racist out there?
A: True, but also, well, I mean… I’ve never actually… but I’ve always wanted to… apparently they cry.
B: What, they cry if they see a black person?
A: No, when you – you know. When you fuck them. Girls smell really nice when they cry.

B: Really? And that’s, that’s good is it? I mean it happened to me once and it wasn’t much fun.

A: This is different, they’re pretending. It’s part of that whole manga rape fantasy thing.
B: Woah! I didn’t rape her.
A: Of course, of course.
B: It was just the morning after the morning after, and she came down really hard.
A: Ok, sure, I know.
B: Do people think…
A: No, of course not. Look I’ve got to go, but could you just have a skim through that and tell me what you think? It’s just the usual guff about different philosophic traditions and how this manifests itself in everyday life, boring boring, etc.
B: Sure, I’ll glance at it, let you know if there are any solenoids.
A: Great, thanks. I’ll see you later. Actually, wait a sec., what?

—-

The Eavesdropper prefers to remain anonymous.

One in the ‘pan… tips from Orlando Whitfield

Orlando: I think I’m the only person who watches the ‘life’ attenborough programmes and gets hungry…

Murdofleur: Any tips for like-mindeds?

Whet your appetite with this succulent morsel about the bluefin tuna.

That fishy fat sounds delicious. What a shame about Oma being so far away. And the moral dilemma incurred.

And for those of you at home…here’s a guide to making your own bento box. But here’s my top tip: go to the restaurant in the Japan Centre, Piccadilly. Order the Yellow Tail don. It’s not on the menu…

THIS WAS A BIG MOMENT FOR ME.

Didn’t you experience a twinge of guilt? And you’ll want to watch out for your mercury levels, you tunaphile.

The measure of truth is in a pound of flesh…. On a non-gastronomic note, tuna riding also has something to be said for it.

Tuna, tuna everywhere:

I refer you to Moby Dick: Ishmael starts finding that whales are to be found whereever he looks… a cautionary tale.