by Augusta Pownall
When I was living in Japan I went on a scream-inducing date with a very strange Japanese man. I met him at a Christmas party at a Mexican restaurant. After we had finished our burritos we poured all the leftover alcohol into a plastic bag so as not to waste precious resources on our way to a club, because that’s the sort of classy way we roll. Once we got outside a friend held the edges of the bag tightly, and poured its contents into my mouth. Naturally, it went all over my head, and I was left quite literally red faced and sticky, covered head to toe in sangria. A kind Japanese man came to help me mop it off. He turned out to be the restaurant owner.
The next week I went on a date with the restaurant owner. He called me, and we arranged to meet at an Omotesando junction. He was 45 minutes late- I don’t know why I waited- and when he eventually arrived, threw me into his white Range Rover, turned on very loud music and asked me which of his five restaurants I wanted to eat at. He was the first Japanese person I had met who didn’t help me play charades when I couldn’t remember the correct Japanese word. He wanted to be in charge, and didn’t seem remotely phased by my clear displeasure. He seemed, even, to enjoy himself, and suggested we meet again. I wriggled out of his clutches and went to meet a friend.
Let’s not tar every Japanese man with the same brush. God knows, terrible dates take place all around the globe. Yet before I even contemplated meeting this man I knew that some things about dating in Japan were unusual. Christmas Eve is given over not to carols but to dating, for example. Girls can guarantee themselves chocolates simply by giving the same to every man of their acquaintance on Valentines Day. Come White Day, all males are required to reciprocate the handout to the women from whom he has received. These facts I was told and duly accepted.
Sitting in the restaurant owner’s 4×4 I wondered if I had inadvertently stumbled across the world of compensated dating, the strangest of the dating myths I had heard. Definitions vary but the crux of compensated dating is that an older male pays for a younger woman’s lifestyle in return for her time and companionship. This might also include sexual favours. On the flipside it seems totally acceptable to complain about ones sugar daddy; his not so natty toupé, the shitty presents he buys from Cartier, his age.
Every girl I made friends with in Japan expressed some desire to get married, whether now or in the not so distant future. Certainly none of these Japanese girls were into compensated dating. However, a great number of them worked at a prosperous Tokyo law firm, and a great number admitted it was a good place to work because the chances of finding a financially secure husband were high.
Granted, every relationship involves a transaction of kind, and perhaps the only difference between the British and Japanese attitude is a prudish covering up of motives in the case of the former; ignore “my intelligence for your good looks” because we’ll only settle for luuurve. Just substitute Blair’s Babes for the so-called Princess Corps, who make up a tawdry 11.3% of the new DPJ government, and the situations don’t look so different after all.
